While the rest of the world shopped, I slept. And slept. And slept : ) (Lots of Turkey yesterday!)
Just getting up now…
Not having any $$ to shop, I opted for the responsible Jen. At home in bed. Surrounded by decorations waiting to go up. Hurrah.
Yesterday, the million dollar question was *What do YOU want for Christmas?* Ugh. What do I want for Christmas? (And my birthday shortly after…) Want, want, want. My family has never been about gifts. No one really has the money. The little things, the thought that counts. I like it that way. Getting together and gathering around the table, eating being merry, playing Flinch. THAT is what Christmas is all about to me. Not this *name exchange* and *write three things down* gig. I just want to have Christmas on Christmas. Have the family members that can be in town, gather around my Grandma’s table…and be. And remember.
And…well, that just never seems to happen anymore : ( I guess Christmas has been decided—we will have Christmas on December 19th instead. I understand when you have a LARGE family…but we really aren’t that large. For 27 years we were able to all have CHRISTMAS dinner at my Grandparents. If you had to work, well you came late, or early. But Christmas morning was spent with your family and then everyone gathered at Gma and Gpas. THAT is what I want for Christmas this year…
I also want my GPA to be peaceful and home. Of course this can not be, he is quite sick, and just so very sad. And it is emotionally exhausting and overwhelming for me to spend even 10 minutes in that Nursing Home with a shell of the person who used to be my GPA staring back at me. Ugh. My heart…I love him so much. I wish more than anything that he did not feel alone, or sad, or in pain. THAT is what I want for Christmas.
I also dream of *someone* having that *someone* with me on Christmas Eve. My favorite time of the year. Getting dressed up and going to church. Driving around town looking at the lights, while the Buffalo Philharmonic plays Handel’s Messiah live on the radio. Coming home to a cozy house filled with candles, my cats, and hours of time alone together. Making love. Waking up in each other’s arms. Yeah…THAT is what I want for Christmas.
Demanding little girl, aren’t I?