But maybe THESE are a few reasons why my landlord finds that his $330,000 GEM of a multi dwelling is not selling so quickly.
“2 Homes on large lot! Classic Victorian character in the heart of the city with the feel of the country. Truly a unique opportunity for an home owner to become an instant investor with this two house property on a beautiful lot near Gates Circle. Great income producing property. Bevelled and stained glass windows with old world charm in the turn of the century carriage home. Two car garage atta ched to a handyman workshop, studio, or car buffs shop in the carriage house. Marvelous secluded yard with iron fences lining the drive. New roof.”
SLOWLY he sayeth. And oh, yeah…he needs MY help, maybe by cleaning the KITTY LITTER MORE OFTEN! Cause you know, when I leave to go out of town on THURSDAY and don’t change the box because I AM IN BALTIMORE or BOSTON or ROCHESTER for 3 days, guess what, it smells when they do yet another, open house on SUNDAY afternoon. Tough shit. No pun intended.
MAYBE THE KITTY LITTER AIN’T THE PROBLEM AFTER ALL!
In fact? MAYBE it is one of these things…
A few weeks ago, he reminded me that I should *really* scrub the shower out. Um, tell me how does one scrub THIS? THIS IS CALLED A BAD FIX UP MOLDING JOB GONE ROTTEN Mr. Landlord!
And this? This is called the fucking toilet that STILL DOES NOT FLUSH THAT YOU HAVE REFUSED TO FIX. Oh, yes, the handle works but does anything go down? Not unless you dump a bucket of water too! THAT IS JUST LIKE THE COUNTRY! Days on the farm, living with a well! And off and on the water runs and runs and runs unless you stick your little hand in to place the bulb on the bottom of the bowl.
And these are the bathroom lights. Along with one wall in Erin’s bedroom, these lights tend to just not work at their own whim. Not a fuse. Nope. Just random! And when we told landlord about it did he bring in an electrician? Hell no. Random! I mean OLD WORLD CHARM.
But then there are the track lights in my bedroom. The ones I turned on a few months ago and about an hour later smelled burning rubber and saw smoke in the room. Oh landlord? He came over and didn’t see anything wrong!!! And he turned on the lights for about 20 minutes and everything was FINE! Of course, when I TURN on the lights for about 10, I start smelling smoke. Call an electrician? Why bother? I just don’t use the lights at all. Nice, right? A danger perhaps? Cheap bastard.
Maaaaaaaybe the house isn’t selling so well because when people walk through it, on a weekend when I am away, and the thermostat is down, they feel breezes from outside when ever they open one of these closet doors! Gee, cat litter? OR WINDSTORM and realization that the house has that antique um, installation and must cost a fortune to heat! Good thing I leave the copy of the latest National Fuel bill on the refrig for all future owners to glance at.
I mean it couldn’t be because the marvelous backyard looks like this. Because landlord hired someone I think 2 times ALL YEAR to rake and pick up sticks. Ok, 3 times. I lie.
And when you enter our home…one is greeted by this in the back entrance. Broken stained tiles.
AND duct taped door handles because, the doorknobs fall off without it and lock us out!
But really? Besides the dryer door not latching. And the floor caving in where I actually have to prop things in my room on one side to make them stand straight. I think this is my favorite part. The kitchen floor is a dirty old stained linoleum. And YES it needs to be scrubbed. But trust me, on my hands and knees and with the overpowering medicinal scent of lemon filling the air…the floor still just looks bad. This is the side of our kitchen where previously we kept a 3 tiered stand. I threw the stand away this past week and never washed underneath it…and OH YEAH I FOUND OUR OLD FRIEND–THE EXPOSED ELECTRICAL SOCKET! I forgot all about thee!!! Suddenly when not hiding under the stand? It seems so raw, naked, vulnerable all alone on the floor instead of IN A WALL WITH THE REST OF ITS ELECTRICAL SOCKET FRIENDS!
But you are right Mr. Landlord. The 3 day old smell of the kitty litter in my house when I am away on the weekends is what is making the house not sell. That and my unscrubbing of the stained kitchen floor and shower.