The 4th book completed…in the series Jennifer Reads Em (And Makes Fun Of Them) So You Don’t Have To! Go here for #3 It’s Not You, It’s Him: The Zero-Tolerance Approach to Dating
Yep. I read this one! Starting to scare ya all aren’t I? Tee hee!
This book represents many years of learning what works and what doesn’t for women who are seeking a man to call *my husband* The basic idea is that once you’re ready to get out there and find your match, it doesn’t take very long at all to figure out if someone is right for you or not.
See, that makes SENSE. Right?
Part 1: Preparation is Everything
I am not going to lie to you. In order to find a man whom you want to marry and who wants to marry you, you have to be your best self. You are simply not going to meet a fantastic person who is your equal unless you are in top condition…Before you begin your quest, you must take one time to prepare yourself psychologically and physically.The single biggest mistake women who want a committed relationship make is to look for someone without knowing what they themselves want from a man and from marriage. I know you will not be successful in your search unless you have your priorities straight and you are very clear about the kind of man you will be happy with.
And she has a list of 27 things to help you get your priorities straight!
(Wow, the list gets long…)
1. Determine what your non-negotiables are
2. Establish your long term goals
3. Don’t be too rigid
4. Be candid about your values
5. List all the people you like and write down why and what you like about them
6. Reconnect with yourself
7. Fabulous you (create a list of your best qualities)
8. Put things in perspective
9. Create a *meet and marry the man of my dreams in one year or less* get serious budget
10. Stop negative thinking-this second!
11. Describe yourself
12. List the things you don’t know how to do but would love to learn and even master
13. Know what makes you really happy
14. Know what gets you crazy
15. Refuse to be a victim
16. Be a hero (direct yourself outwardly)
17. Get help
18. Turn on your inner light
19. Money matters
20. Be realistic
21. Be honest
22. Forgive, forget and move on
23. Get busy
24. Clean up your act…
25…and your house
26. Say Bye-Bye to anyone who makes you miserable
27. Love yourself
After seeing this list I should have known the entire book would be CHOCKFULL of information and loooooong winded. The annoying parts really stick out. Some of it I think is for women who live in L.A. The rest is just well, overload! Let me begin. You’ll see.
Chapter 2: Look Great and Feel Great
Here it is the unvarnished truth: Men are attracted to pretty women. It doesn’t matter where you live- men want to meet, date, and marry women they find attractive. There I said it. LOOKS COUNT.
Top Three Qualities That Men Look For In A Woman:
1. Great Looks
2. Thin Body
3. Younger than they are (but not necessarily young)
You have to devote serious resources to your fashion and beauty redo. There are a lot of improvements that are free (smile more, stand up straight) but makeup, hair care, beauty treatments, and cosmetic procedures cost money. And some of them present a substantial investment. That means you have to make a financial commitment to make yourself as beautiful as possible- and it’s worth the price.
Serious resources? Financial commitment?
She attaches a Beauty Budget Worksheet for people to use:
Image consultant, Professional teeth whitening, Plastic surgery
“Hiring a style pro is one of the most important investments in yourself that you can make. I urge you to create room in your budget to hire a professional image consultant.”
Do we even have image consultants in Buffalo? Did she just list PLASTIC SURGERY?
Personal shopper, Makeup artist, New clothes, Contact lenses, New glasses
Haircut and color, Pedicure and manicure, New accessories, Massage, Spa treatments, Shoes
Over the counter teeth whitening, Professional Blowout, One makeup session, Hose and undergarments, Casual clothing
The woman mentions blowouts more than once in this book, isn’t that a NYC/LA thing?
GET RID OF IT!
These wardrobe wreckers can also wreck your chances of impressing Mr. Right.
Neon/Black Lipsticks/Nail Polishes, Novelty Socks, Hair Bands/Elastics, Fuzzy Sweaters, Heavy, Black Rimmed Glasses, Peg Legged Pants, Baggy Sweats, White Tights, Thick Black Fishnets, Oversized T Shirts with sayings on them.
Um, I understand wanting to help women look their best and follow a little bit more of an updated look, HOWEVER, I would emphasizes in my own dating book (which would never sell) that if any one of these things is an essential part of WHO YOU ARE- do NOT change it! If you enjoy black nailpolish you are going to want someone who likes you for wearing black nailpolish. OBVIOUSLY people aren’t wearing pegged pants. BUT IF YOU ENJOY YOUR BAGGY SWEATS, wear your damn baggy sweats. And I personally ADORE NOVELTY SOCKS. (I have countless pairs of penguin socks…AND I LOVE MY BLACK CHUNKY GLASSES! I can’t believe this was on the list! REALLY?)
Change your hairstyle and color
If you haven’t changed your hairstyle in over two years, it may be time for something different. Men prefer long, blown-out hair that’s touchable. But if long hair isn’t an option for you, chooses a style that has a long appearance that will flatter your face in a feminine, touchable way…
2nd mention of blowout!
Grow Hair Grow!
Some short haircuts can be very cute, gamine, and high style. Unfortunately, most men don’t see it that way. Sexy and touchable movement is what appeals to them. So if you have short hair, consider growing it out.
I put this one in especially for Erin
Be Nice To Your Hands and Feet
Start getting regular manicures and pedicures today. You should have a manicure once a week and a pedicure once every two weeks.
Ah, I get it, poor/average people can’t date or get married in 365 days or less! I mean this beauty budget must do item is at least $120 a month! Add the teeth whitening and the new skin products and the monthly hair highlights and trim. HOLY CRAP! See where this gets a little ridiculous?
Consider Plastic Surgery
Plastic surgery is a big and serious topic, and entire books have been written on the subject, so I won’t go into tremendous detail here. But I would be doing you a disservice if I did not mention it, because it can be an important part of any appearance improvement project. If you believe that aspects of your features are holding you back from looking your best, it might be time to consult with a plastic surgeon.
Oh how I wish I didn’t just write this one…YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Wow. All I can say is wow. I can’t believe I’m even reading this in a *dating/marriage* book. But I did.
Get SHOE Sexy!
High heels make almost every woman’s legs look longer, thinner and sexier. High heels also make you walk with a certain panther like sexiness that men love. Anytime you have an opportunity to wear heels, do so. 2 1/2 to 3 inch heels are the best for most women- anything higher will be difficult to walk in and hard on the foot.
Uh, yeah. No. Short heels and flats and barefeet are MUCH sexier than me on crutches. And do heels REALLY make a woman MORE MARRIAGEABLE? Good grief. Ah but wait…
DRESS FOR MEN
Dressing for men doesn’t mean dressing cheaply or in an overtly sexual fashion. What men do articulate, again and again is get rid of the pants. My most frequent piece of advice for female clients is “lose the pants” If you have great legs, go short, but not too short. If you aren’t happy with your legs wear a long,. flowing skirt. Its the idea as well as the look of a skirt that men love.
Yada yada yada…next.
Every Woman Should Own…
*Well fitting yoga pants in dark colors for looking good while working out
*A 36 inch square Hermes, Gucci or Pucci scarf.
Sigh. I am nothing without a Gucci scarf. What about Target? Did I mention this book is long?
Chapter 3- Healthy Is As Healthy Does
To meet the challenge of finding and marrying a man in one year (or less!) you’ll need to not only have your priorities straight and your appearance in order, but you also have to be in the best shape of your life inside and out.
You knew this one was coming, didn’t you? Looks go hand in hand with weight as far as men are concerned. The majority of men I meet say they are attracted to thin, fit women. Getting off those extra pounds should be resolution number one for you if you are overweight. You’ll be more attractive to men, you’ll look terrific, you’ll feel lighter and more energetic, and you’ll be better off in general.
THANK GOD MY PRIORITIES ARE NOW CLEAR! I MUST LOSE WEIGHT to…FIRST AND FOREMOST be more attractive to men. Not sure if she even mentioned HEALTHIER! Geez.
“Debra 28, is an adorable brunette with a knockout smile (dimples included) She needed to lose about 20 pounds, and I told her so. It’s not impossible to be overweight and still meet a man- but it’s a lot tougher A man’s initial attraction to a woman is always based on looks.”
Chapter 4-Breaking Up Doesn’t Have To Be Hard To Do
Part of cleaning house may involve the difficult task of leaving a dead end, unsatisfying relationship. If your current boyfriend can’t or won’t commit, if you’ve fallen out of love, or if you know in your heart he is not “the one” it’s best to make a clean break. Holding on prolongs the frustration and pain of breaking up.
Right makes sense….but then there’s the number game.
Resolve to Walk Away
Knowing when to walk away from a relationship that isn’t moving towards marriage really depends on your age and circumstances. If you are 24 there is no reason for you to have a 3-6 month cutoff point. If you want children and you are 35, 40 or older, you really should follow the 6 month rule. Single men and women over 35 are usually established or on their way to becoming financially and professionally stable. They know what they want. If you are at that point and in a relationship and he doesn’t want to marry you-or you don’t want to marry him- after 6 months, it’s unlikely those feelings will change in the next 6 months or 9 months or a year.
Well, thank GOD I am only 32
Recognize Problems For What They Are
If you and your partner are seeing a threrapist while you are dating, quit while you’re ahead. What’s going to happen when you are married? Issues don’t necessarily go away. Some women thing, “I’ll give it a couple more months.” Uh-uh. It doesn’t work that way.
Been there. Done that.
Chapter 5- Get In The Mood And Become Datable!
Disarming women seem to be born with a potent “gift of nature.” Success in everything from selling real estate to getting asked on a second a date can hinge on our ability to disarm others. The fact is, being charming and disarming can help you get things done faster and make your life more enjoyable.
Yay! Something I can do right! Charm! I am worth something! It only took 5 chapters to realize!
Present yourself sincerely and “as you are” and don’t waste time trying to act like the personality du jour. I don’t mind going right up to a man and telling him he’s stunning. My charm is part bawdy and part impudent and it works for me.
Read the newspaper. Watch the news. Know what’s on the bestseller list and what’s hot at the box office. Being smart and informed always give you something to talk about when you’re in a new situation. It also doesn’t hurt to know how to cook one fantastic dish and how to open a bottle of champagne. Men want a living, breathing woman who has opinions, thoughts and passions.
But only if they are beautiful, thin, fit with long hair and perfect skin, right?
Don’t Be A Desperado
Charming, ladylike women who are engaged in life are never desperate. Men can spot a desperate woman a mile away. Don’t behave in a pushy, aggressive, insistent, weepy or depressed manner. All are signs of a desperate woman.
Must smile at all times. Check. I do understand the desperate women thing being a turn off. Obviously!
Chapter 6-Your Life As A Dating Venue- Where To Go To Find *Him*
What’s HOT? Being interested in where you are and what you are doing
What’s NOT: Being somewhere only to meet a guy.
I agree. Aside: you might notice that the passages are getting thinner. Well, yeah, book is long and long. And men like long and thin.
Chapter 7- Going To The Pros
Dating professionals…matchmaking sites. Online basics.
Chapter 8- The Big Date: Ready, Set, Go!
Section Number 233 (I’m not kidding) Get Your Hair Blown Out
I tell everyone of my female clients to get their hair washed and blown out before a big date. A blow out should enhance your natural style and make your hair shiny and full of movement. Make the time.
The author is obsessed with blow outs? HAS ANYONE OUT THERE READING EVER HAD A BLOW OUT BEFORE A DATE?
What Men Say About Their Ideal Woman
These are the things I hear over and over again…attractive, nice figure, sweet, intelligent, up personality and naturally happy, sense of humor, shared values, bright and educated, sincere, no daily catharsis to deal with.
Notice not one mention of a fabulous blowout!
Five Questions Women Ask Me The Most Before I Send Them On Date One:
1. Is he smart?
2. Is he funny?
3. How many kids does he have?
4. How long was he married?
5. He’s a really nice guy…not, crazy, right?
Five Questions Men Ask Me The Most Before I Send Them On Date One:
1. What does she look like?
2. How old is she?
3. Is she thin?
4. Tell me again what she looks like?
5. What’s her hair like?
Chapter 9- Relationship Building And The Three Stages Of Dating
This is where she tells us women to keep dating many men at once until you are in a serious relationship. I even think she suggests never giving up until a ring is on your finger!
Keep Dating Until He’s Committed
Until you get to stage two in dating, intimacy and commitment, don’t cut off all social contact with other men. A commitment happens when you both agree to it, and if it has not been made or agreed upon by both of you, then you should keep dating. In other words, if he is not ready to commit, don’t get stuck in a trap of being confined to a “relationships” that doesn’t really exist. Dating other men gives you something to compare him to. It also keeps you from pinning all your hopes on one person. If there’s no ring on your finger, you’re not committed.
Wow. No ring? No commitment? To me you need the commitment…or there can be no ring. But I am crazy and not an author of a get married now book.
You can certainly be in a serious relationship without being engaged, but for many women, especially those of you who want to get married, the symbolic meaning and tradition behind an engagement ring should be important to you…Until you are at that point, you are not on your way to marriage.
Ok, I agree. No one is on their way to marriage until they are engaged. Hence the definition of the word engagement.
Stage Three-The Comfort Zone
The ultimate stage of dating is when you have committed to exclusively and you are comfortably intimate with each other. In other words, you’re in love and you’re letting it develop. At this point you really start to know his quirks and personality in a deeper way. You should think about getting engaged and making it official. If you are over 35 or in your 40-50′s you should really put a 3-6 month limit on this stage- especially if you want to have children.
Yikes. I’m now in my head doing MY man math. (Dating for 6 months, Stage 3 dating for 3 months) SHIT! I AM APPROACHING MY LIMIT! Oh wait, I am only 32 But what if the MAN is over 35? Then what? Oh, I would hate to be this woman.
I guess I do understand this idea. I do. If you want children etc…but it is all so subjective.
A love relationship should be the safest place to be “you” You are unique and distance from everyone else. Don;’t try to be someone you aren’t just because you think it will please a man., If he likes you, it’s because of the individual qualities he sees in you.
Nice to see that at the end of it all, you can be YOU. Her book is so backwards to me.
Getting To *I Do*
You can’t get or make a man do anything he doesn’t really want to do. That is why you have to stay firm, be honest, and stick to your goal. You never want to nag him or issue harsh ultimatums. If you are suited for each other and he’s marriage minded, it should not be difficult or even take very long to set and meet a marriage date. When it’s right, it’s fast. Both of you just know, The moment of knowing you want to marry someone has a loit to do with timing, to say the very least-and knowing when to move on is an important part of getting your timing in sync with Mr. Right.
Chapter 10-True Love: Commitment and Marriage
Blah blah blah….prenups mentioned.
End of LONG book.