All Things Jennifer

Well….I left the after work baby shower early to make it JUST in time for the ANTI-BABY SHOWER, otherwise known as the Buffalo Spree Bachelor Auction.

My camera, being a cheapy, did NOT take good pictures in the light of Salvatore’s Italian Gardens Banquet Room, however I did get a shot of my two favorite gorgeous League Friends schmoozing it up with a few of the Bachelors.

I have to say, this was my first time at such an event. FIRST OF ALL KUDOS to Spree for flawlessly pulling off a huge first time event. That darn Spree staff is so fun and smart and sassy…the personalities behind the event are what really made it so successful. Really, you should have seen the ladies dancing in the aisles getting the crowd into the men! Kudos to a job well done!

Above you will find my very poor attempt at taking a picture of the auctioneer, also a bachelor I put the camera down shortly after this try and focused on the butts at hand, I mean the tasks at hand…watching out for buttocks I MEAN bidders.

Now, perhaps this is TYPICAL of such an event, but much to my surprise, I can truly say that a cross-section of our small-town city was represented in the house. I saw ladies with class. Ladies who were crass. And ladies who showed far too much ass. And every single one of them chose to look me up and down if given the chance. Whoa mama! Back away, I’m just a volunteer not your competition!

(Aside: Although I was wearing my lucky *first date skirt* and cute black tights HOWEVER said tights had the rollinrollinrollin problem that kept me in the bathroom whenever possible. Bad new fun rollinrollinrollin black tights. By the end of the night, in frustration, I went for one severe YANK which, well ended my night early…hello rip, meet short skirt. I think the sass of the first date skirt has finally worn off. Marry me off and call me matronly!)

So where was I? Oh yeah…spotting the event. I was fortunate enough to be situated behind two very outspoken, very old ladies who obviously wanted a fireman or a lawyer. The accountant simply wouldn’t do. Everytime a woman won an auction, the one little old lady would get out of her seat and angrily peer over her companion to get a closer look. Too freaking funny.

Now, the part you wanted to hear all about. The men. I mean what would a BACHELOR auction be without the men?

All the ladies were handed a menu sampler of options to choose from. I happened to take a photo of this page because well on the Left you will find Buffalo’s very own Alex P. Keaton. And on the right? A man willing to give a girl an ice cream cake every month for a year! Wait a second, shouldn’t this page layout be in reverse? Politically speaking at least…

I unfortunately missed Oz on stage because I had to escort one of the winners to the winners table. A woman who bid on her ex-brother in law, just to get the price up…won. Oops! Good for the American Heart Association, but maybe not so good for her heart.

Some of the men were shy. Some were not. Some might have had too many drinks before hand, and some probably should have had maybe one more before the strut. Some were young, some were older. Some were shakin their ass…some were exploiting their assets. All in all, a fabulous evening for everyone.

After reading though the dates of choice…my favorite date was a tie between the very handsome Jim Bush (mmmm bald) who offered a date that “will start with dinner at Brodo, then we will head over to the Albright-Knox Art Gallery, and end the evening with coffee.” Sounds, exactly like my birthday date! Perfect and understated. YET part of his package, gift package that is, included a personal photo session which might not be so understated after all. Personal photo shoot, eh?

The handsome man shot my photo for the Spree way back when and even with the camera 2 inches in my face, he somehow made me feel beautiful…and made me crack a very natural smile. And also managed to make my hair the most gorgeous color of red in the sunlight…

My other favorite date was that of Mr. Auctioneer, Stephen Phillips. Um yeah….check out this date. (Click on photo for larger size.)

Yeah, pretty nice.

Oh and how could I forget the bad-boy *but you know deep down is a total sweetheart* firefighter hottie Michael Rotola (who totally reminded me of my friend Stephanie’s boyfriend Brent)

Now this is a profile I would be captivated and intimated by at the same time. (Which is EXACTLY what I aimed for on my Yahoo profile when I found Mark!) But alas, I could never be his woman…I’m not a girl who wears heels. At least not while standing. D’oh! Did I just type that?

Of course, the one man who brought in the most money was the one man I found the most BORING. At least by way of his profile. Basically, he should have just stuck with the Professional Hockey Player title and forgot about the rest. If if you want much more than a pretty piece of arm candy for a date, you better love your hockey. Interests include, not much during hockey season (which is what 10 months of the year?) And relaxing and training during the summer. Not a lot of time for the ladies…

Good looking yes, but I’m afraid he looked like he knew all too well he was the top dog. (Is he well known? Cause I have no idea who he is…but I don’t follow hockey either. However if Ryan Miller was being auctioned I would most certainly know who he was.) Perhaps I’m wrong and he is a kindhearted gentle soul…if so, I apologize. However I found with very minimal googling that this man loves the penalty box. Kind? Well, yeah. He helped raise a bunch of money for the American Heart Association.

And at the end of the night? Isn’t that what we were all there for? At least some of us?

I came home that evening, tore off my tights and gave my Mark an extra-huge hug. Not because I am on my knees thanking God that I was not one of the women wearing tight leather/suede pants looking for a hott date, but because I was glad my Mark wasn’t out there anymore chasing these scary ladies off with a stick. Scary. Ladies. In this world. And they might not outnumber the classy ladies at such events, but they sure leave lasting images on the brain. Oh if I had a very expensive invisible camera and a totally anynomous blog…