My life as an emotional sponge.
March 17, 2008
I’ve used the phrase “emotional sponge” a few times this weekend in describing myself.
Oh how true it is. I mean in the long run, I wouldn’t want me any other way. But right now. This very moment? I’m spent. Drenched in thoughts and hopes and prayers. Feeling far too much reciprocal pain and sympathy in the present and at the same time, selfishly finding myself reliving and coping with far, far too many unhealed wounds and emotions of the past.
It happens every time…
I anxiously sop every last drop of emotion from others in their time of need. Must. Do. Something. Empathy overload (now with more absorbency!) I feel the pain of others. I cry their tears. I hope their hopes. I hug, I support, I try my best to be a good friend and be there for whatever might be needed. Not a drop left to clean up after, that’s my goal. (Sometimes I wonder if it’s almost my purpose, to serve others in times of need.) I combine all the goo, all the guck, all the flowing emotions and thinking too much and add it along side what’s still left over inside. And when the time is right, and no one’s looking…I wring out the sponge and release, always careful to hold just enough inside to get through the next spilly, messy moment. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Okay this is so freaky but I was just reading a book I have about character prototypes and this is something I read yesterday. It’s about a female type (the mystic, I think they call it) who emotionally absorbs things from others. Like she’d rather go grocery shopping at night to avoid crowds or she avoids large social gatherings or stands aside in a crowd so as not to have the emotional energy all around her (it would be overwhelming). It said that this character often needs to retreat into nature and is perfectly happy hanging out at home alone where she feels relaxed and has no obligation to deal with everyone else’s issues.
If you want, I might be able to copy some of it & share it with you. It sounds like exactly what you’re describing here & when I read this I went:
Yes, thanks…
Very interesting…
Except I’m an extreme off the chart extrovert, so that makes it all the more, well? Exhausting?
A depressive extrovert at that so when I do feel the essential retreat as you described, which does happen…I shift into guilty mode and feel bad not being around people. Because I get my energy FROM people and feel BETTER at the same time I absorb their energy and feel utterly exhausted and spent and selfishly want to run and hide.
Hey there….let me know if you need anything!
BTW, thanks for answering my drink questions! We should go out for a margarita sometime!
I’m still not sure where I’m going to end up, Buffalo is still on the table!
I sometimes wonder if we all wouldn’t do better if we could flick a switch to turn off the guilt. It motivates me to do a lot of things that are good in themselves but are slowly sucking me dry. I feel guilty for being “selfish” and needing to retreat but truth be told, trying to keep the entire world happy instead of being sane enough to attend to those closest to me is probably the more selfish route.
Hey, look! More guilt! It’s freakin’ everywhere!
AKat- Thanks… Here’s hoping Buffalo is good to you, soon.
K10- Sigh. Where’s that switch? Sometimes times of need totally trump the switch though.
So c’mon over to my crib and sponge up some happiness.
Password for protected post explains the situation…
Sadly, i don’t have/remember a password…
I sent it to you via email after I commented.