All Things Jennifer

1. Banned words list offers no ‘bailout’ to offenders

“Monkey” was on the list because of what some see as its rampant use as a suffix. “Especially on the Internet, many people seem to think they can make any boring name sound more attractive just by adding the word ‘monkey’ to it,” wrote Rogier Landman of Sommerville, Mass.

Huh? Have I missed this? Monkey? Wha????

2. Gary Coleman has habit of police involvement

Officers have been called to assist or intervene with Coleman 21 times since he moved to Utah in fall 2005, according to police reports —

It sucks to be he…”I’m Gary Coleman, from TV’s Different Strokes.”

3. Bristol Palin’s Baby Is Born

The first grandchild of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin is Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, weighing in at seven pounds, four ounces.

What a Tripp, no accidental miscarriage I guess. I demand to see the birth certificate, oh wait, I don’t care.

4. Holiday sex: Christmas season is peak for mating

The Christmas-New Year’s period produces a year-high spike in sexual activity and conceptions in the United States, according to biorhythm researchers and makers of sex-related products.

They attribute the increase to holiday leisure and New Year’s resolutions to have children. New Year’s irresolution fueled by alcohol and partying is another contributing factor.

Oops. Look like I missed out on this memo.

5. What If New York Goes Bust?

In a preview of political fights to come, both New York State and California budgets are being crippled by outsized public sector union pension obligations that are now coming due in a perfect storm—a combination of an aging population, a declining tax base, and a fiscal crisis.

The Democrats who narrowly control both state legislatures have a notoriously cozy relationship with unions and they will be unlikely in the extreme to bite the hands that feed. But the unsupportable absurdities of the current arrangement are becoming evident.

The average state and local government employee now makes 46 percent more in combined salary and benefits than their private sector counter-parts, according to the Employee Benefit Research Institute—including 128 percent more on health care and 162 percent more on retirement benefits. New York City, for example, not only spends 10 times more on pensions than it did ten years ago, it now spends more on pensions and benefits for firefighters than it does on firefighters’ salaries.

These tax-payer sponsored paychecks cannot be renegotiated in tough times to balance a budget. They can only go up, never down.

I love New York…sigh.

6. Kennedy Treated Unroyally in Campaign to Succeed Clinton

The daughter of JFK, however, has been alternately tongued-tied and sharp-tongued when pressed on her politics. And despite her pedigree, she has not been treated royally.

The New York Daily News highlighted a constant stream of “you knows” throughout a recent interview. “I’m really coming into this as somebody who isn’t, you know, part of the system, who obviously, you know, stands for the values of, you know, the Democratic Party,” Kennedy told the newspaper in a weekend interview.

And when asked by a pair of New York Times reporters about the moment she decided she wanted to be a senator, she sarcastically suggested they should be writing for a woman’s magazine rather than posing as “crack” political reporters.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!