Moving Right Along (Slow Motion Perhaps)

Introducing the long wall of my front room.

Computer area on left. Cozy chair in middle. Storage cabinet in right corner.

Loveseat in front of the windows.

Oops. Anyone want a large pizza?

I goofed. I’ve been beating myself up all night and morning. Time to shed the guilt and move on.

Evil.

Chicken fingers. Evil.

Sunday morning I woke up and all I wanted was a deep plate of FRIED FOOD. Fried any and everything. Instead I opted for a wheat focaccia grilled cheese with tomato and field green salad. And a hummus veggie whole wheat wrap for dinner (with a small bag of chips.)

I was good. It wasn’t hard. I was happy!

Even the night before out to dinner with friends and their family. I opted OUT of bread/butter and dessert and pasta.

And then last night. BAM. Day 10. BAD JEN.

Out at our co-workers goodbye happy hour the drinks were flowing…on someone else’s tab. And appetizers appeared. I had a small piece of spinach bread. Two BBQ wings…oops and a potato skin…and damn it…popcorn.

When I got home I was sloshy and moody and unhappy and called out for an order of chicken fingers and french fries. The funny thing is all I wanted was chicken fingers and french fries but I felt “bad” only ordering that so I got a sausage/cheese pizza as well. I ordered small but it was cheaper to get a large! Why? WHY?

I didn’t even touch the pizza. I ate all the chicken fingers and a few fries. And went to bed miserable and hating myself.

Really. All over chicken fingers. When I had 10 days. Ok, almost 10 days of good choices under my belt I chose to self-sabotage and emotionally deconstruct over chicken fingers?

Silly me. And now I have a large pizza in the fridge too. And $20 less in my wallet.

I’m just about at the point of forgiving myself and starting over on a new Day #1. It just takes a while for the mood to lift. Good thing about it is I actually REALLY care about it this time where I usually just say screw it and continue on eating chicken fingers the next day.

Not this time.

More water please. I need to detox this gook out of my system.

Did I mention it didn’t even taste good? My brain and my stomach hated me last night. And then I thought about staying in bed and calling in for a few hours late to work to be sad and self-loathing…and then changed my mind and got out the door instead.

Baby steps. Making a lifetime of bad habits change to good just ain’t gonna happen overnight.

See? I was loving myself last night BEFORE the chicken fingers. Now I just have to work on loving myself afterward and move on.