Introducing the long wall of my front room.
Computer area on left. Cozy chair in middle. Storage cabinet in right corner.
Loveseat in front of the windows.
I goofed. I’ve been beating myself up all night and morning. Time to shed the guilt and move on.
Chicken fingers. Evil.
Sunday morning I woke up and all I wanted was a deep plate of FRIED FOOD. Fried any and everything. Instead I opted for a wheat focaccia grilled cheese with tomato and field green salad. And a hummus veggie whole wheat wrap for dinner (with a small bag of chips.)
I was good. It wasn’t hard. I was happy!
Even the night before out to dinner with friends and their family. I opted OUT of bread/butter and dessert and pasta.
And then last night. BAM. Day 10. BAD JEN.
Out at our co-workers goodbye happy hour the drinks were flowing…on someone else’s tab. And appetizers appeared. I had a small piece of spinach bread. Two BBQ wings…oops and a potato skin…and damn it…popcorn.
When I got home I was sloshy and moody and unhappy and called out for an order of chicken fingers and french fries. The funny thing is all I wanted was chicken fingers and french fries but I felt “bad” only ordering that so I got a sausage/cheese pizza as well. I ordered small but it was cheaper to get a large! Why? WHY?
I didn’t even touch the pizza. I ate all the chicken fingers and a few fries. And went to bed miserable and hating myself.
Really. All over chicken fingers. When I had 10 days. Ok, almost 10 days of good choices under my belt I chose to self-sabotage and emotionally deconstruct over chicken fingers?
Silly me. And now I have a large pizza in the fridge too. And $20 less in my wallet.
I’m just about at the point of forgiving myself and starting over on a new Day #1. It just takes a while for the mood to lift. Good thing about it is I actually REALLY care about it this time where I usually just say screw it and continue on eating chicken fingers the next day.
Not this time.
More water please. I need to detox this gook out of my system.
Did I mention it didn’t even taste good? My brain and my stomach hated me last night. And then I thought about staying in bed and calling in for a few hours late to work to be sad and self-loathing…and then changed my mind and got out the door instead.
Baby steps. Making a lifetime of bad habits change to good just ain’t gonna happen overnight.
See? I was loving myself last night BEFORE the chicken fingers. Now I just have to work on loving myself afterward and move on.