Best Thing About Being a Blogger?

Rereading posts like this one I wrote in July 2005. And realizing IT WAS WORTH EVERY MOMENT OF THE WAIT.

“What about those midnight phone calls…the one that wake you from your peace…”

It’s been a long weekend. Bridesmaid duties accomplished. Watching my friend in bride mode, was quite odd. I want that someday. I do. But it looks to be so far in my future that I’m starting to wonder if I will ever want it to happen? People out there my age are working on second marriages. Already have children. I could have been married/and subsequently divorced…I could have had children. I’m still holding out for what? A fucking fairy tale?

The answer is YES, yes I am holding out for the fairy tale.

Words from the past…

From March 2009. Thank you He Who Makes Me Smile for proving me right for waiting…

“The sad thing is I pretty much knew M wouldn’t be *enough* for me…he wasn’t communicative, affectionate, assertive, romantic…and yet the entire time I told myself to push those thoughts aside because he is a GOOD MAN and he LOVES ME. And we were happy, for a while. But a Jen who is wanting more is never happy…and well, I wanted…no I NEEDED more. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to have the one you love kiss you goodnight and good morning every day. But for some reason M wasn’t this person. And despite me asking him, or trying…he just wasn’t this person. Of course I can count on two hands the amount of family members in my life who I have lost and will never have a chance to kiss or say goodnight or good morning to ever again, but that didn’t matter. He just wasn’t that guy. Compliments. Nope. Mostly just silence and me KNOWING that he loved, liked, wanted me. You all know how that works out in the end.

Am I asking too much? No. I’m not. Be strong, keep waiting.

Or so I keep telling myself while ending the Mr. Wrong relationships.

Damn movie kisses, get my brain turning , turning, turning.”

He Who Makes Me Smile: Chapter Three – Engaged!

Engagement!

(See Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 first…)

Despite knowing and planning and talking and well, knowing…it feels quite different.

He Who Makes Me Smile originally told me about a family diamond, and had me thinking about a setting for an engagement ring. And then he changed his mind and decided he wanted to get me something brand new instead.

Yikes!

I had no idea what kind of a ring I would want? I never even really pictured wearing an engagement ring to tell you the truth! So I started browsing lots and lots online and found many gorgeous examples. Of course, this is only online in person they look radically different…

I found one or 10 that I enjoyed and sent along links. And started to wonder…is he trying to fool me asking about what I like when I think he already knows? Is he trying to throw me off the trail and is going to ask sooner than later? You know, thinking like a woman. It’s not like we haven’t talked extensively about our future together…and ideas about a wedding (including phone calls to venues.)

At Opening Weekend of Curtain Up, I invited my sister-in-law and niece Little A (who is not even little anymore!) to see Pinkalicious at the Theater of Youth. Before the play we went to dinner where I was talking all about the above when Little A stopped in her tracks and said…

“Now, I know what you’re talking about Aunt Jenny! Why don’t you just ASK if he bought a ring yet?”

Adorable. Too stinking adorable.

I went home that night, ok, the next morning, and asked…and he just smiled.

Fast Forward to Saturday, September 24th. An evening of Roller Derby was planned but we wanted dinner before hand. But dinner finished early and we needed to waste time so I suggested looking at pretty jewelry at the store since I’ve never really looked before…he agreed, easily.

We walked in the store and instantly I felt like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman (after she had the help on Rodeo Drive, not before…)

“CONGRATULATIONS!”

“Would you like some cappuccino or water?”

YIKES! We just came in to browse at the pretty rings…………

Ok, we will sit with a specialist and listen to a presentation and yes, coffee would be lovely (after the 3rd person asked!)

Basically, I knew what I didn’t really like. I knew I wanted a round stone (or I thought, and this was because this was the stone that He Who Makes Me Smile already had…) and I knew I liked vintage-y settings or classic solitaire look, not the three stone kind or the diamond on the band side. We both knew we liked White Gold and He Who Makes Me Smile knew what size he wanted the middle stone to be, and all the other K’s or C’s or whatever those things are.

Ready…Go!

The diamond specialist had his assistant going to the boxes and bringing me selections for a setting and started talking to He Who Makes Me Smile (I guess and me?) about the center stone. I looked at a few that I said I would like and then…

LO!

I saw THE RING over in the display to my left, among the rings I said I didn’t want that had diamonds on the band. I loved it. I didn’t think I would love it, but it called to me anyhow. I kept putting it down and picking it up again and thinking “I like this one but it has diamonds on the band and feels too sparkly.” This went on and on and on. A center stone was decided on and the jeweler kept trying to place it on the top of the setting to show me what it would look like once made and I couldn’t stop looking at the shiny, shiny setting. At one point I was so excited to see it again close up I lifted my hand up before the jeweler removed the loose diamond and the diamond flew…into my lap on my black skirt, thankfully. At this point the words “platinum head” and “six-prong” joined the conversation. Ha ha. Gotta love being me!

Despite having a clear love affair with the setting I never thought I wanted, it looked sort of vintage and unique to me…instead of side stones it had three small diamonds in the shape of a triangle on each side of the center. I liked that. I absolutely KNEW it was perfect after seeing a sample of the one I “liked best” online. Not even close.

I couldn’t stop staring.

I forget at what point, but at some point shortly thereafter He Who Made Me Smile said “we’ll take it.”

WHOA.

Really?

I WAS HOLDING MY FUTURE ENGAGEMENT RING!!! REALLY?

I started to get a little giddy and very quiet. Totally surreal. The jeweler told us that the ring would be ready to pick up on TUESDAY the 27th. (The 27th!!! SERENDIPITY!)

And I tried to contain myself.

Gulp. The 27th!!!

Tuesday after work I decided to stop at the liquor store to pick up some spirits. I asked He Who Makes Me Smile if I should get a bottle of Jamison for him or a bottle of bubbly? And he said bubbly…oh boy…bubbly… When I walked in the door I was playing it cool and he said to me that there was bad news and the ring wasn’t ready…followed a half a second later with “ONLY KIDDING” and then he went into the other room.

As I walked into the dining room he was standing there, so happy and so smiley WITH THE RING BOX IN HIS HAND!

Here?

Now?

Here now? Likethis? Here? Now?

He Who Makes Me Smile came over to me and asked me to marry him.

I said, yes…and followed it up with a sweet voice  “say it again?”

Tee hee.

Say it again! I was gooey and teary and smiley and smoochy and over the freaking moon.

And I hadn’t even thought about opening the box!!! He had to prompt me! When I saw the ring under the light I freaked out for a minute. HOLY CRAP! THAT’S THE RING? And as it went on my finger I could hardly believe what just happened. EVEN THOUGH I TOTALLY KNEW EVERY STEP OF THE WAY IT WAS HAPPENING! I knew I didn’t like surprises, but I can’t even imagine how I would have been if it was a surprise. I probably would have passed out and ended up in the hospital.

He Who Makes Me Smile asked if I wanted to go out for dinner, since I had planned on making his Mama’s chili…and we went to our favorite (and only?) country restaurant in town and sat at the same table we sat at the first time I went to Ransomville. Even better, we had our traditional beer and a shot at the bar. He took my phone away from me and we enjoyed dinner together. When we got home I called my mom and the Smith Family and then posted it over here on the blog and on Facebook. (Of course, love 2011 style, it ain’t official till it’s Facebook Official!)

Pretty sure I haven’t stopped smiling yet…

He Who Makes Me Smile: Chapter Two– Presentish

Make sure you read this post first: He Who Makes Me Smile: Chapter One – The Recent Past

Part Two: SUMMERTIME…I wrote this post in June  about engagement rings?  Ha! I actually took a quiz about engagement rings and posted it online. Funny that the ring selected from the quiz ended up being not too far off from the perfect ring ever–ours!

I was the happiest girl ever on Friday after work and a pouty little fatty lip Jenny on Sunday night after He Who Makes Me Smile dropped me off at the apartment. My heart…and home were no longer in the city, it was just a matter of time. I’s got a case of “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible” -its.

Then July happened.

July was a very, very, very emotional and difficult month. One of these days I’ll write about it, but for now, all I can say is from the moment I saw He Who Makes Me Smile after finding out his mama passed…I never, ever, ever wanted to let him go. (I’m crying just typing these few words.) I’ve never felt a more protective, intense love toward anyone, ever. We spent about two weeks together, day in and day out, trying to make sense of it all before it was time to go back to work and take me back to the city. This time it wasn’t just a fatty lip, it felt wrong being without him. I was MISERABLE.

As soon as it was possible, over Labor Day Weekend I moved HOME to the country with He Who Makes Me Smile where life makes sense.

…just a matter of time before we made everything official with an engagement announcement…

He Who Makes Me Smile: Chapter One – The Recent Past

When I take a few minutes, hours, days to reflect upon the last year I can hardly believe all the changes that have happened…

Last year at this time I was living in the best apartment ever in Elmwood Village and loving life. Out and about. A few different guys, a few different dates. Some really wonderful, some not so wonderful but all in all I was happy with my life. At the end of the year I went out a few times with a total keeper, who I fell hard for. As in all things dating, he didn’t feel the same way…and this time I was the one sad and filled with tears. Initial reaction was give him time, until time passed and it was obvious that I was a hopeless, pathetic girl doomed to never, ever find love.

I decided to go on a dating sabbatical. Which lasted approximately a week.

The-woe-is-me-maybe-I-should-just-move-because-there’s-noone-in-Buffalo-for-me mood faded once I stopped being SAD and started being MAD. Mad, hmm…not really mad…but fed-up darn it! Time to stop dating people who I know aren’t going to be good for me. Time to stop going out with people because he seems like a good guy and I should like him. Time to realize that I did deserve more and I was going to find someone who loved me for the me I am today and wanted the same future!

Of course I jumped back online and posted a profile…And saw He Who Makes Me Smile.

Brown hair, glasses, great smile. No spelling errors or annoying lines stating “no drama” in profile. And the most intriguing part…he mentioned he was recently taking up the hobby of blacksmithing. Yes, the line about blacksmithing turned me on. A manly man type. And definitely unique! Hmmmm. I wrote some sort of email and he responded, which he will remind me of over and over…I contacted HIM. Yes, yes I did. And so began the emailing and texting and Facebook friending.

Quick Aside: I have to thank MathMan, the last person I went out with before He Who Makes Me Smile, for getting me over my snobbery regarding proper texting. I really can’t stand all the abbreviations and using numbers and text speak. I automatically think, lazy and not very bright. However MathMan, was VERY bright and was a very lazy texter and used all of the above. And I was still attracted to him. Bias cured! And just in time, because from the first day He Who Makes Me Smile texted me…until the day I moved in at the beginning of September I received a text from him that said “GM love” upon waking. Now, he sends the message once he gets to work. Ah, love.

On our first date I asked him if he wanted to go to a Sabres game. Not because I wanted to impress him, but because I wanted to go to the Sabres game! When he asked about a dinner spot for a recommendation, I said Fat Bob’s, not because I wanted to impress him with much meat and BBQ, but because I wanted much meat and BBQ (Plus the restaurant is FAST and close to my office and metro line to get to the arena.) When he went to get me a drink I told him I wanted a giant Labatt Blue, not because I wanted to impress him but…well you see where this is going. I’m a perfect hockey/BBQ/beer lovin’ kind of gal! He Who Makes Me Smile decided to go in for a quick smooch when Buffalo scored. My Sabres hat kept him from getting too close, hee hee… Of course at this game—Mr. Drew Stafford had a hat trick. I do believe we quickly decided if we got married we would have to invite Drew to the wedding since, well, he might have been the reason we had our first kiss and second and third!

After the game, we decided to keep the evening going a little longer with part 3 of the date at Gabriel’s Gate. Now here’s the funny part. My BFF ended meeting us out at the bar and having drinks with us! Does anyone else have their MALE BFF meet a great guy on a first date? No pressure of course, the two bonded seamlessly and their bromance began over shots of Jamison. I kid you not. The reason why I asked BFF to come out in the first place wasn’t to check him out to see what he thought…but more to have them meet because they had WAY too much in common. He Who Makes Me Smile happened to live in Vermont for many years and so did the BFF. On top of that they both sort of had the same sense of humor lines that make me shake my head…and I just thought they needed to meet in person so both of them would stop asking me to ask the other if they knew of so and so or this place or that. Funny, eh?

He Who Makes Me Smile said it was his Best Date Ever. And told me he was going to marry me…This line intimidates me, believe it or not I’ve had it thrown around by more than one person I just recently met who is in WAY over his head…but this time, this time I knew the guy was being sweet and had a lovely time.

On our second date, we hit Ambrosia for dinner and had a bottle of wine. I remember smiling the ENTIRE evening. Smile. Smile. Smile.

He Who Makes Me…Smile.

Everything felt simple and easy and right. I wasn’t emailing my friends asking about this or that. Not questioning, wondering, dreaming…just being. No indication of when it happened, it just happened, right away.

Just when you think you need a dating sabbatical…

I’m pretty sure ya’all have caught glimpses of the rest of our courtship on All Things Jennifer (or really, mostly on All Things Jennifer on Facebook through status updates.) If not, make sure to check out the search box over in the right-hand column and type in “He Who Makes Me Smile.”

Engagement Ring Talk? Ummmm.

I took this quiz “What’s your perfect engagement ring?” and I came up with this.

Not bad except for all the bling. I like the center diamond setting though. “A beautiful juxtaposition of modern, yet traditional; classic, yet unconventional. “

I might have started a little wish list since someone asked what I liked and all.

Honestly, I’m quite enchanted by this one even though it’s not the platinum/white gold/silver color I think I have decided I like. One stone in the middle, vintage-esque setting. Beautiful.

And darling…I promise (mostly) to not mention this topic again until…well, until I get a car, right?

The backstory: I will not live with He Who Makes Me Smile until we are engaged. We cannot live together until I get a car since I need a car to get from the country (where we will live) into the city (where I work.)

Engagement/living together/marriage comes after wheels.

And of course of course one does not need a ring to be engaged, tis the commitment that counts and we already know that is in place. However, unfortunately, neither one of us have engagement money right now and fact of the matter is I cannot move far away without a car to get to work. Period. Engaged or not.

He Who Makes Me Smile needs to find a permanent job with benefits. (Damn economy.) And I need to make oh, $10,000 more a year or so to be able to just buy a used car without a loan. Somehow, it will happen. I can afford a wee car payment, I just don’t qualify for a wee car loan. (Anyone heard of debt-income ratio? Try going having years and years of undergrad and law school loans and a work history that involves non-profits for the last 15 years.)

All the ring talk comes from the fact he already has a *lovely* family diamond on hand…which just needs a pretty setting. And my man is very traditional and romantic—in fact he bought me my first diamond EVER for Christmas this past year when we JUST started dating! Not to mention my first bouquet of red roses delivered to work EVER on Valentine’s Day no less!

I’m pretty spoiled.

That said, anyone wanna loan me a few thousand bucks? Yeah…um, didn’t think so.

It will all work out. I have faith.

Escape! (Nothing to do with Pina Coladas)

Last week was a busy, stressful, emotional, exhausting, frustrating, eye-opening week. Friday ended badly. I made myself physically sick with upset. He Who Makes Me Smile fetched me from the city, listened to me vent the entire car ride to the country and then took care of me for the rest of the night. I was seriously not myself. I didn’t want to talk, I didn’t want to think. I didn’t want to eat. Ugh. My dearest reminded me to breathe, took away my cell phone which rarely gets reception anyhow out at his place and put in a mindless movie (Strange Brew, eh?) and we cuddled on the couch and I went to bed early. At one point while I was NOT sleeping—He Who Makes Me Smile (in his sleep) told me “stop thinking, relax.”  Yeah, I realize how special he is for taking care of me…I’m blessed.

Saturday—I realized life is WAY TOO SHORT to make oneself so unhappy. He Who Makes Me Smile had an early morning meeting and I stayed around the house and shifted out of my mood from the night before. The two of us had lunch at “Mom’s Restaurant” in Niagara Falls and ran a few errands. We came home and I roasted a chicken for dinner, made scalloped potatoes with bacon and green/yellow beans with almonds.

Yum. I also made up a dish of cinnamon raisin stuffed french bread with pecans for breakfast. (Could have been dessert!)

Yesterday, I came to the realization that being with He Who Makes Me Smile at his place in the country—makes me feel the most content, relaxed and happy that I’ve been in a very, very long time. And I think you all know, I’m pretty happy in general with my life. I love my apartment, my community, my friends…and yet, I’m even MORE content? How is that possible?

A few weeks back He Who Makes Me Smile said “I like it when you’re out here with me where I know you’re getting sleep, relaxed, well-fed and taken care of…” Made my heart melt. I’m not quite used to the attention. And yet, it isn’t even attention really…it’s just the feeling of  being loved and safe and at home with another person.

Happy sigh.

Sunday is the day I look forward to and equally loathe. Relaxing time with my sweetie countered with the thought that I have to go home and start the week all over again. Boo. He Who Makes Me Smile works from 1-9 pm so we don’t really get to see each other during the week anymore, so the weekends are even more important to me now.

I hate it when the weekend is over.

But now, I look forward to Friday even more…

Really?

So I’m walking down the street and I see these two youngish men outside a bar having a smoke. I’d say 25? And the one is talking to the other saying “you don’t understand everyone has something good going on in their life but me…so and so had a girlfriend, so and so two has a girlfriend, so and so three is engaged and you have someone and I have no one.”

Ummm. Definition of “something good going on in life” equals relationship? Really? Can you not be happy without one in this world?

Interesting food for thought.

Um…

Yeah, I guess the whole premise behind this little essay has nothing to do with me at all, except this part.

My ex is, predictably, the good guy that just isn’t the guy. Old story, right?